Author: Joseph Marlowe (page 1 of 2)

The Field Trip

By Joseph Marlowe

Clarence did not want to get out of bed that morning, but that was the normal state of affairs. At least that had been the normal state of affairs for the last four months ever since the excitement of Christmas had worn off, and he had given up on fitting in at his new school. It was just his luck that his father lost his job in eastern Michigan and found a new one in small town Wisconsin in the middle of the school year.

“You need to be more grateful,” his mother often lectured him. “Jobs can be hard to find, and your father found a good one at a steady company. Layoffs can be very difficult for families, but we always had food on our table.”

Clarence would then mutter under his breath, “What good is food on the table if the table is in Wisconsin.” This conversation was a routine dance with his mother at this point. He hated their new town, and he hated his new school. He made an effort to assimilate when he first enrolled late October, but by the time Christmas arrived he had given up on fitting in with his classmates. It was enough effort to get out of bed every morning and even that seemed pointless these days. He could not muster any excitement this morning despite the fact that today was a day-long field trip to the outdoors.

The yellow bus drove on rural highways past rolling hills carved by the receding glaciers. The bright sunny day warmed the earth while small puff ball clouds of white floated overhead. The frosty cloak of winter felt like a distant memory. The late spring season had produced a scenery flush with greenery. Notwithstanding the scenic beauty, Clarence stared dully out at the passing landscape. He possessed no wandering imagination to avail himself of boredom. The querulous seventh grader let out a sigh as he brooded over his plight. He has lost his best friends from elementary school, and he missed the bike trail next to his old neighborhood. Wisconsin may as well be a different country. Everyone here seemed unusually nice and more boring than the classmates at his large school in Michigan. Derrick was the only friend by any stretch of the word he made since coming to this podunk town, and he was a weirdo. Other kids laughed at Derrick because he sometimes chewed on his pencil tip.

He sat by a window near the front of the bus away from the other school children while listening to a Queen’s greatest hits CD on his Walkman and clutching a brown paper bag lunch in right hand. His headphones blared the symphonic rock as he looked around the bus. Some of his classmates were still listening to cassette tapes. Yet another sign he was in the rural backwoods. He missed the suburbs of Detroit. Every weekend his family could drive to a different mall. There were only some dinky strip malls his family could patronize in his new town; it took an hour’s drive to reach Appleton which had a real mall. Turning back to the window he saw more fields waiting for the season’s planting and cow pastures. Wisconsin was always just more of the same old rural landscape.

All the other students seemed excited for today’s field trip to some stupid hole in the ground. The teacher said they were visiting a pasture at the base of some sizable hills formed by the Green Bay lobe of the Laurentide ice sheet. They would picnic in the field and the rest of the afternoon would be spent as playtime. And of course they would have a chance to jump into the hole. It sounded like a made-up activity to Clarence. Running around in the grass and jumping up and down in some inane pit only to get back on the bus for another long ride back home was not how he wanted to spend his Friday. It struck him as odd that all the other kids used words like “tradition” and “favorite” to describe the day’s activities. “Simpletons, the whole lot of them,” Clarence thought to himself as he turned up the volume on his CD player.

After exiting the highway and driving down a bumpy country road the bus’s aged brakes whined and screeched as the vehicle came to an abrupt halt. Excited chatter echoed through the cabin as the teacher and chaperone, Mr. Clark, rose to his feet at the front of the bus. “Everyone sit next to your buddies,” he commanded his students. He did a quick headcount and reached the desired number of twenty-six. “Does everyone have their buddy?” he asked with a knowing smile. The enthusiastic crowd of adolescents replied with a resounding yes.

Mr. Clark stood back as the young passengers bustled down the aisle, down the steps, and out the door. Clarence, despite being at the front of the bus, was one of the last kids off. He looked out and saw a wide verdant field swaying in the brisk spring air. In the distance past a line of oak trees rose some hills. Clarence scanned the clearing searching for the fabled hole, but could only see some small mounds in the field from his vantage point.

“Where is the hole?” he asked aloud. His buddy Derrick pointed to a small rock cairn in the distance and said, “It’s next to that marker. You can’t see the hole until you get close to it.”

“I want to visit the hole and say hello,” sang out Mary, a bubbly girl with blond hair and blue eyes. “You know the drill,” rejoined Mr. Clark. “Today’s itinerary starts with lunch and recess is afterwards.” Then Mr. Clark instructed a group of girls to set out the picnic blankets, and the class sat down with their packed lunches.

Clarence held his brown paper bag upside down as the contents spilled out onto the fabric. With a sullen face he observed his lunch fare: an apple, a string cheese, a juice box, and a ham sandwich. “Food on the table or food on the blanket, same old humdrum Wisconisn,” he ruminated to himself. He wished he had a lunchable, a candy bar, or anything more interesting than the same food his mother packed for him everyday of the school week.

“Mr. Clark, Mr. Clark, I finished my lunch, can I go over to the hole now?”, Mary called out from across the sprawl of students seated on the ground.

Mr. Clark responded, “Not yet Mary, some of your classmates are still eating. Once everyone is done with lunch, playtime will begin, and you can visit the hole.” She sat back down, rocking back and forth with a giggle of anticipation. Shortly afterwards, lunch was finished, and the swarm of students ran off to the far end of the field while the teacher gathered up the blankets and put them back on the bus. Clarence reluctantly followed the pack as he sauntered across the clearing.

As he got closer he saw the pile of flat rocks stacked on one another with the crowd of schoolchildren standing next to it. They all appeared to be looking downward until a boy let out an excited scream, and they all ran back from the object of their gaze. With their parting, Clarence could finally see the hole. Between the clumps of grass was an almost perfectly round circle approximately six feet in diameter that cut straight down into the earth. Looking across the hole he saw the rough dirt wall on the opposite side descending below the surface into the ground. However, he did not approach any further so he could not see how far down it penetrated the earth.

“Who’s going first?” a voice called out in the crowd. It was John, a dark haired, green eyed classmate who seemed to know everyone at the school.

“Me, me, me!” screamed Mary, unable to contain herself as she jumped up and down.

“Well, have at it,” replied John. Clarence watched as the girl skipped towards the hole. She stopped a couple feet before it and then tip-toed towards the edge. She then took a big leap and yelled WEEEE as she fell down the center of the hole. Clarence waited to hear the thud of her landing on earth at the bottom, but only heard her elated shriek fade into an eerie silence. He looked around at the other kids who all had giddy smiles on their faces. 

“Where did she go?” he asked nervously.

“She went in the hole of course. Didn’t you see her jump in?” John retorted.

“But how will she get out?” followed up Clarence in a puzzled tone.

“You’ll have to ask her when she comes back,” John answered with a grin.

Clarence was not sure if John was being obtuse with him because he was a jerk or if he was being honest. Clarence must have had a confused look on his face, because another kid chimed in asking, “Do you not have holes in Michigan?”

Clarence timidly walked closer to the hole. As he approached he saw the coarse earthen walls plunging downward. He stopped about a foot from the edge and leaned forward; there was only an impenetrable blackness in the center of the pit. This frightened him, and he scampered away from the hole as fast as he could. The group of kids watching his movements began laughing amongst themselves. Their casual demeanors unsettled him.

He stood there anxiously, apart from the group and far enough away from the hole so that he could only see its edge next to the rock cairn. The kids appeared to be discussing who was next to jump in the hole. Then, in another direction he heard a familiar giggle. Over in a patch of clover was Mary rolling on the ground laughing. The group of kids ran over to welcome her return to the surface. 

“What did you see down there Mary?” John questioned with expectancy.

She sat up on her knees and gleefully recounted, “I wasn’t falling for very long until I landed on a pile of daisies. I rose to my feet and next to me was a table with a teapot and teacups. I had the most delightful tea time with a great white rabbit. He was telling me all about all the other holes down there and how far down they go. It was so interesting and I kept laughing, but before I knew it I was back here.”

“Ok, it’s my turn,” said John confidently as he marched towards the hole and proceeded to cannonball into the earth. Some of the girls sat down in the clover with Mary and started making necklaces by chaining the stems together as they chatted more with Mary about her rabbit friend in the hole. The rest of the kids returned to the perimeter of the pit to discuss who would be next to take the leap of faith.

Mr. Clark had grabbed a lawn chair from the bus and was drinking a soda while sitting underneath the shade of an oak tree. He was close enough to keep an eye on his students, but far enough away for them to enjoy this peculiar excursion beloved by their town without the overbearing presence of an adult. This was his second year chaperoning this field trip with a class of middle schoolers. A veteran teacher with a group of sixth graders came last time and calmly explained the strange ritual to him. “Almost every kid you have ever taught here has already jumped in this hole. And so have their parents when they were children. This spring field trip is just part of life out here, like the town’s Fourth of July parade and Oktoberfest. Hell, most of the teachers at this school grew up here and jumped in there, myself included. It probably seems strange to a city guy like you from Madison who moved out here for this teaching gig, but think of it as a silly game kids play. The hole is perfectly safe, I assure you.” 

Clarence saw Mr. Clark reclining in the shade and decided to walk over to him and ask him some questions so that he could get farther away from the hole. Mr. Clark saw Clarence approaching and let out a sigh. This kid has been in the classroom for almost half a year now, and he seemed incapable of caring about anyone or anything but himself. Normally a nominally well-behaved student like him who spurned socializing with his classmates was distracted because he was lost in noetic pursuits, but there seemed to be little thought below the surface of his outward grumbling comportment.

“Why is that hole there, Mr. Clark?” Clarence asked as he approached.

Assuming an instructive tone, Mr. Clark explained, “A geologic feature like that normally forms over a long period of time by the movement of water. This field was once covered in a glacier, and then it melted. It became a lake or a pond, and then the water likely drained down into the earth and created a cavity.”

“But why did we have to come here for a field trip?” Clarenced queried clearly unsatisfied with the first answer.

“This is something all the classes do every spring. The eighth graders were here last week, and the sixth graders are coming here next week for their field trip.”

“Did people always jump in this hole?” the boy quizzed his teacher.

“Probably. It’s an old tradition for the town. Before the settlers arrived the Menominee Indians lived here. They had stories and legends that refer to a great black pit of the earth. They revered it, but likely feared it as well since many of their folklore tales refer to the spirits underneath.”

Clarence stood there unhappy with the answers. He wanted to hear that the field trip was over, and they would be getting back on the bus now. A mischievous grin formed on Mr. Clark’s face. “I wouldn’t go in that hole,” he said. “There’s no telling what is down there or if you will come back at all.” That last part was an embellishment he added for his own amusement. His job as a middle school teacher didn’t have many perks, but occasionally frightening a peevish child was one of them.

At that point Clarence ran away from the teacher back to the group of children. Fewer kids were standing around the hole, and more of them were recumbent on the grass. Some of the students seemed to have forgotten the hole altogether and were playing a game of tag.

John was sitting next to Mary as he recounted, “I fell into a pile of muck. There was mud and cattails and bullfrogs hopping around everywhere. I caught so many of them.”

Another boy turned to John and argued, “There’s not a pile of muck down there. It was a lake. The water was so clear and fresh. I swam around and drank as much as I could.”

“I had my best visit yet,” a short girl with long black hair named Erin stated. She was the most recent one to reappear in the grass. “I saw a strange bird down there. Well I don’t know if I was down there, because it didn’t feel like I was underground. There was a big sky filled with two moons. I climbed on the bird’s back, and we flew all around until we passed through this gray cloud. Then, I was here.” She chortled after finishing her story.

“What about the newbie?” asked John. At this point all the kids in earshot turned and looked at Clarence. He felt his face grow red with embarrassment.

“You’re not scared are you?” one of his classmates teased.

“It’s okay, I was scared my first time, but it’s fun. You have to try it,” John said encouragingly.

Clarence apprehensively edged towards the hole. The group of kids standing around the perimeter backed away so that Clarence was there alone as he reluctantly peered down the opening. It had taken on a new and fantastical appearance. Approximately eight feet below the surface, the pit’s sides no longer descended into earthy darkness, but rather were gaily lit with an assortment of hues. The deeper section of the hole had transformed into accordion-like tubing that gently moved with a rhythmic undulation as if the entire grassy field was breathing. Clarence was staring at the strange sight as the breeze in the clearing died down, and the sounds of merriment from his classmates dissolved into the background. The remarkable display of lights deep within the earth conjured in his brain a frolicsome tune that beckoned him. He gazed deeper into the kaleidoscopic orifice and observed in the depths a bifurcation as the hole split into a left and right shaft.

“Is there more than one hole?” he pondered. “If so, which one did everyone else fall down?” The uncertainty disquieted him. He felt a growing unease about the field trip, this bumpkin custom, the strange pit, and the asinine idea to jump in it. He turned his head and looked around the field. A small crowd of classmates had gathered around the clover patch and were watching him intently.

“Aren’t you going to jump in?” Mary called out. Clarence turned back to the hole. He took in a big breath of air and held it in. He tried to jump, but his body stupidly resisted the action. This led to the heaving of his mass, followed by a stumble, and finally, the sensation of falling as he was engulfed in the parti-colored gulf.

***

Clarence was not in free-fall for a long period. Soon he was tumbling as he bounced against the colorful spongy sides of the hole. His wheeling form briefly wobbled upon striking the divergence of the underground paths. Before he could even realize what was happening, he was soon rolling down one of the routes as he heard a horrible wailing building from the other direction. He continued to tumble until the tube-like structure terminated, and he was once again in free-fall plunging into a black abyss.

He landed softly on an ashy pile of dust that expelled a large cloud of soot into the air causing him to sneeze. Lying in the heap he looked up seeing himself surrounded by darkness save for the aperture of the tunnel that discharged him many yards above. The strange light of the hole shone down on him. The dust pile sat upon a rocky, cavernous surface scattered with a layer of regolith. He looked back up at the circle of light and noticed it was shrinking. It was but a small ray before the hole sealed up like a closing wound, and he was left in the darkness on the dusty mound.

Clarence’s eyes slowly began to adjust to the new murkiness, and he realized his surroundings were not completely devoid of light. Above him in a thin layer of air there pervaded a subtle phosphorescence. In the dark abyss above he could not see the ceiling of the cave, but the air was populated with the uneven tips of stalactites pointing downwards. Their vertical bases extended upwards in the impenetrable blackness aloft. 

Dimly he could see the ground. He held out his hand examining its back. He could just barely make out his fingernails on the tips of his digits. The rocky floor was littered with debris ranging in size from minute dust particles to large stones. While most were scattered about randomly on the bedrock, there were curious piles of materials meticulously sorted by size into mounds that randomly dotted the environment. Heaps of dust, ashes, pebbles, and stones lay scattered around him in no discernable pattern. In the faint glow from above he could see in all directions for multiple yards. It was an inane landscape of debris as desolate as the surface of the moon.

He rose from the dust and began to wander the cave hoping for an exit. “Surely, he would be transported back to the surface any second,” he thought to himself. “It never seemed long at all for the other kids that fell down the hole, however this illogical thing worked.” He walked and walked, but all he could see was more of the same. The tips of stalactites hanging like stony icicles, dirty piles of dust and ash and cinder and rubble. The same vague luminescence penetrated the air above him. In the silence he yearned for his CD player. “If I could only listen to my Walkman then maybe this whole idiotic expedition would not be so draining. Why was it so empty down here? Where does this end?” His mind filled with impatient questions about the grotesque subterranean world. He walked up to a pile of small stones. He picked one up and threw it as hard as he could in one direction towards the distant blackness. It disappeared only to be succeeded by the startling sound of a rock bouncing on the stony floor behind him. He turned swiftly to see where the noise came from, but saw only the stillness of the cave.

He could not take it anymore. He picked a direction and started running. He sprinted past more piles of dust and rocks and found himself at a spot that looked like any other locale he had seen so far in the cavern. Perhaps the piles were larger than where he started, but he could not be certain. He slowed to a walk to catch his breath as he approached one of the larger piles of rocks. The heap of rubble was taller than himself. Clarence paused for a moment and began to circle it. “Is the hole a puzzle that he had to solve in order to escape?” he wondered aloud. He was beginning to grow desperate in the weak light. After circling the mass he saw nothing of note. 

“It’s just another dumb pile of rocks,” he shouted to himself. He continued walking further beneath the irregular canopy of stalactite tips emerging from the dark void above. A strange texture flickered in the distance causing him to feel disorientated. His eyes were initially confused at the sight of this new object, until he approached closer and realized he was looking at a cave wall. The rough surface extended to his left and right in a peculiar curving fashion before fading out of his field of view in the omnipresent darkness. It extended above him into the blackness that his eyes could not penetrate.

In a way, the wall gave him a brief moment of comfort. The endless expanse he was lost in was beginning to fill him with a terrible dread. Here was proof, finally, that he was underground and not dead or trapped in limbo. He turned right and walked along the wall for a while trailing his left hand against the rough surface of the rock. A wave of disappointment began to swell within him after a couple minutes as he found nothing but the interminable wall on his left side and the empty field of debris piles and stalactites to his right.

He took a step back to observe more closely the section of cave wall he had come upon. Queer shadows danced upon the surface. He could not tell if there was an intentional pattern to their movements or if the faint light overhead was flickering. Perhaps he was steadily going insane. The half-formed silhouettes fluttered in feeble movements upon the worn stone. Wave after wave of shadow, each mightier than the last. Till last, a great shadow gathered itself from the bottom of the wall and slowly rose and plunged roaring through the lesser shadows. Then a stillness overcame the shades as if they were watching or waiting for something. They sickened him. He could bear no longer looking at this wall and ran directly away from it back into the bleak plane of rubble piles.

Despite his exhaustion, he ran determined to find something, anything. The blood coursed through his body making his head feel hot. His frustration boiled over as he leaned forward to catch his breath. “I’m in this stupid hole because of this stupid field trip because of my stupid school all because my stupid parents had to move to stupid Wisconsin,” he lamented disconsolately. In that moment he forgot about his isolation, the cave, the hole, and his predicament. He let out the biggest scream his small body could muster, and with time the anger gave way to exhaustion which gave way to sobbing. He was on his knees now with his hands planted on the dusty rock floor. He looked at the ground trying to make out the cracks in the bedrock, the scattered dust, and the minute debris in the weak light.

He sniffled as his emotions began to recede, and he became aware of his senses again. The unexpected has malicious intent whenever it intrudes upon a moment of sad solitude. The simple sound of a rock bouncing on the cave floor until it came to rest with a tat-tat-tat in front of him awakened him from his fatigue with a sharp pang of fear. He looked up and saw two piles of dusty rubble rising in front of him. His ears strained only to hear the sound of empty air. Yet a pit of fear gripped his stomach as he realized the unmistakable feeling that he was being watched. A shadow darted behind the heap to his left.

“Wh-who goes there?” Clarence called out as his voice cracked. He waited in painstaking silence for a response. Then with a slow movement behind the peak of the pile to his right appeared two yellow and bloodshot saucer-eyes leering down at him fiendishly. The eyes were bisected by a long crooked nose. The countenance rose as the figure mounted the summit of rocks, and Clarence recognized a goblin grinning a wide ugly smirk. His ashen face featured high cheekbones and a pointed chin. His bald skull was covered with a disheveled and ragged caul of arabesque stylings that sat upon the thin leathery skin.

The creature incited a feeling of repulsion in Clarence which transformed into rage. In his agitation he managed to utter, “Who are you? What are you?”

“I am no one,” the goblin retorted as he picked another rock off the pile and tossed it on the cavern floor.

“If you are no one then why are you down here?” the schoolboy challenged the fiend.

“I am here for you my friend, to keep you company. My dear chum Clarence, we are friends, are we not? You can tell me anything, I am here to listen to you,” the goblin sang out in a mocking tone.

“I don’t have any friends”, Clarence obtusely responded. This was met with some odd humming from the goblin as he continued his staring. Clarence was at a loss for words in the dialogue wondering what his insouciant company wanted from him. Perhaps the creature didn’t want anything at all. He was as revolting as the shadows on the cave wall. In the discomfort a new question rose to Clarence’s mind so he asked, “Did you also jump in the hole?”

The disinterested goblin perked up at the query and cleared his tiny throat before he said, “Everyone jumps in the hole at some point in their life whether they know it or not. The hole ultimately belongs to no one, however many fools may have belonged to it.” He recited the paradox with a dignified eloquence, but it was betrayed in the latter half with a tone of melancholy. His bony hands reached up to adjust his bizarre headdress. He was silent for a moment, before picking up another stone and tossing it squarely at Clarence’s head.

“Owww!”, he exclaimed as the missile struck him rudely. He shouted at the goblin, “What’s your problem? You can go now. I don’t need you or your silly answers.”

“Is that so,” the creature replied, frowning. “You know Clarence, there are those that survive and those that don’t. Your petulant demeanor is never in the former faction. A sad lonely twig stands alone and then SNAP!” The goblin made the sound with his bony digits, and it reverberated across the cavern. “Besides, you’re trapped down here.” With that pronouncement he made a sweeping gesture of left arm. Its sickly form waved through the air as he wiggled his gnarled, thin fingers.

“What do you mean stuck down here?”, Clarence angrily demanded. “Everyone else returned to the surface. This is an annual field trip that my school apparently has done for years. I wouldn’t be in this idiotic hole if I could go missing in the first place!”

“You think you are so special that those ‘simpletons’ would remember you?” the goblin sneered cruelly. “You are dust and down here dust is all that remains. Do you even exist, Clarence? The hole exists. Your quaint town with its little school full of prancing children loves its dear, dear hole. The children dream about it at night. They look forward to it when they wake up in the morning. They miss it when they leave it. Can the same be said about a little snot like you? I think not.” The goblin’s rebuff hurt Clarence, and his face became a pout. 

The fiend continued, “I said you are trapped down here, because the hole is a trap. That which it does not desire passes through the sieve, and that which it does are the forsaken held in its covetous grasp. I grow tired trying to push these facts through your ungracious skull, because if you could learn this lesson you wouldn’t be down here in the first place!” He ended his rant with a derisive impression of Clarence’s impotent outburst. “Perhaps you will realize this in a couple centuries,” he concluded mysteriously. The goblin gave one last look at the lonely schoolboy before freezing in an odd state of paralysis like a forgotten marionette. His corporeal form proceeded to fade out of existence like dissipating smoke.

Clarence looked around the dingy cave with rubble and dust and ashes. The faint glow in the air from above began to weaken. He wished nothing more than to return to the surface with the open sky and the sun. The waning light filled him with anxiety. Even that horrible goblin was better company than the sad cave. “It’s not fair!” he thought to himself. He did not even want to go on this dumb field trip with these dumb classmates at this dumb school in dumb Wisconsin. He could scarcely perceive the outlines of the stalactites in the benighted subterranean lair. Then there was nothing. He was alone in a darkness that held illimitable dominion over all.

***

The afternoon sun was descending from its midday peak. Most of the kids were sitting on the grass as Mr. Clark folded up his chair. “Class, time to return to the bus. Stop jumping in the hole,” he commanded. They ran, skipped, and strolled in batches towards the yellow school bus. Mr. Clark scanned the field to make sure no more stragglers were reappearing on the grass. As he boarded the bus he bellowed out, “Everyone sit up, we are doing a headcount. Make sure you are sitting next to your buddy.” He scanned the seats counting the kids: twenty-five kids in total. Everyone had their buddy except for Derrick, whose buddy was himself. He paused for a moment at a peculiar feeling, but it faded as swiftly as it had arisen. 

Mr. Clark felt a sense of relief that the day’s activities concluded without incident. The teacher thought about this small town and their queer field trip to this beloved geographic anomaly. He mused about the childish spirit that freely jumps into the hole with carefree abandon. He wondered if he could bring himself to take the leap when he was their age. He had never heard of adults jumping into that strange orifice in the ground. He was content to simply imagine what would be waiting for him down there rather than taking the plunge and finding out for himself.

Good Friday

Good Friday truly is the longest day on this earth. It is as though time has come to a halt. We do not worship a dead God; we worship a living God, but on this day it does not feel so. I stare at the stripped alter with the open door on the tabernacle. He is has left us, and I can only feel the sorrow that remains in our midst. My God, my God, why have you been sealed away in this tomb?

On this day I cannot pray, “O Most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, I adore Thee profoundly. I offer Thee the most precious Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ present in all the tabernacles of the world…”

The tabernacles stand empty. He is sealed away in the alter of repose. “Christ graciously hear us”, I pray as my faith waivers. We received the Last Supper. Christ broke bread with us and shared his cup. He instituted the sacrament of the Eucharist, and then he left us. He left us in order to suffer the ignominious death of the Cross in reparation for our sin. Give us this day our daily bread, but there is no Eucharist for us on Good Friday. Hell is a separation from God, and on this day am I not tormented with ten thousand hells in being deprived of my Lord?

I stand in waiting. I must have faith that the good Lord will return and that the Last Supper was not the end. I must have faith that the death at Calvary was not the end, but while he is gone I can only think of the agony of Jesus in the Garden. For him to understand everything that was to precipitate and for the weight of our iniquities to bear down on him is a heart-wrenching thought.

And yet, even his closest followers deserted him. What hope do I have? I stand here waiting at my vigil. I await the Great Paschal Mystery: an incomprehensible shattering of the bonds of sin and death I did nothing to deserve. In spite of the totality of my blemishes and shortcomings, He loves me, and I must be a vessel for that love and share it with my fellow men. I must love others as He loves me. Christ graciously hear us! On Good Friday I can contemplate the sorrow, and I can wait, and I can prepare. I will not pray for the Lord to hasten the day. Give the Sorrowful Mysteries their due time.

The Ukraine Pain

Ukraine, Ukraine. What is the problem with the Ukraine? It is the latest crisis of the times. It is a fifth alarm fire in geopolitics, and the news of the war supersedes trucker protests in Canada and the global Coronavirus pandemic. Russia invaded the borders of the Ukraine in late February 2022 and has continued to advance and conquer space within the country in the weeks that followed.

I will confess that I am not a good source for the latest details on the war for I gave up on closely following news cycles back in 2018, and furthermore it is currently Lent. I am avoiding all news like the plague, and yet how could I not know that Russia has invaded the Ukraine? You simply cannot avoid this episode. Uber sends push notification to your phone telling you to donate for Ukrainian refugees. Slack channels at work fill up with posts denouncing the atrocious war in the Ukraine, and at all-hands zoom calls the company leadership needs to address questions on how they will support affected business partners. Cars driving around the city now how have mini Ukraine flags sticking out their windows, and any set of programmable lights have been converted to the bicolor flag of blue and yellow.

All this hoopla begs the question: what is the Ukraine? A cursory review of the Wikipedia page is instructive. First, under the etymology and orthography section one learns that the Ukraine roughly translates to “the borderlands” in old Slavic. It is not the exactly an inspiring name that conjures up the ideal of a free and independent nation. Geographically speaking it occupies a strategic region of Eastern Europe on the Black Sea. Its crucial locality can explain why it has a centuried history of being warred over. The list of former rulers includes the Kievan Rus’ federation, the Mongolians, the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, Austria-Hungary, the Ottoman Empire, the Tsardom of Russia, the Cossack Hetmonate, and the Bolsheviks. On top of its tactical geographic placement, it is also highly productive agriculturally being one of the largest grain exporters in the world.

These facts matter little to the media-saturated American, because this crisis is not about the realities of history. Americans have an innate ability to possess excessively strident opinions about what should happen in a country on the other side of the globe which they will never set foot in. Of course these opinions are not their own, but what they are told to express from the oracles they subscribe to. Americans could probably say very little about the Ukraine if you asked them three months ago. The well-read sorts of the intelligentsia could talk about the annexing of Crimea and perhaps the War in Donbas that followed. Nevertheless, they would not claim that the security of the Ukrainian state was paramount to their mental well-being. Yet here we are with a new crisis gripping the nation that seems to even overshadow the infamous January 6th “insurrection”.

A year and a half ago there was a highly divisive presidential election in the United States, but the Ukraine was not a major topic of debate. It was a smorgasbord of Trump’s failure on Coranavirus, the race riots of Biden’s America, the impending climate crisis (soon!), the economy, jobs, education, and a regurgitation of conservative and liberal issues from the previous elections. In fact the only real concern about Russia then was the allegations that President Donald Trump was either intentionally or unintentionally a puppet controlled by Vladimir Putin. That whole line of reasoning begs the question as to why Putin would wait until after his puppet left the White House in order to invade the Ukraine. However such obvious absurdities are the norm of the age, and one should not be surprised by them anymore.

There is a valid four letter reason for the present hysteria: NATO. The North Atlantic Treaty Organization was established in 1949 in the aftermath of the Second World War. The organization is a mutual defense agreement in response to an attack by an external party on any member state . It was originally 12 founding members including the United States, Canada, and major Western European countries. From there it expanded in the 1950s to include Greece, Turkey, and Germany. The fall of the Soviet Union marked a first and second wave of former Soviet states such as Poland, Hungary, the Baltic states, and along with other Eastern European nations. Of course a country does not join NATO, but rather it “ascends” into NATO as if the organization is a heavenly body. NATO has reached a total of thirty members presently. Unsurprisingly, the United States’ “greatest ally”, Israel, is not one of those members. NATO’s newest crop of members joined in 2009, and it included Albania, Croatia, Montenegro, and North Macedonia. There is an obvious trend towards enveloping Eastern Europe with NATO considering Bosnia and Herzegovina, Georgia, and Ukraine as aspiring members. In fact, prior to the Russian invasion of the Ukraine, Putin was quite explicit with NATO when he demanded that NATO promises to cease expanding eastwards. It was a demand which NATO unequivocally refused.

That is the crux of the matter. Russia has invaded an aspiring NATO member. Now the NATO members have to scramble a sufficient response. The Ukraine never joined NATO, so there is no treaty for mutual defense, but nevertheless it is a challenge to the liberal Western hegemony. NATO has been the backbone to the security of Western governments since before my lifetime. It is an established order with ambitions to expand further and has a mission focused on promoting “democratic values“. Unfortunately for NATO, many important member countries are grappling internally with cultural and social discord that occasionally breaks out into violence. Arguably the linchpin of NATO is the United States, and a simple retrospective of the media landscape paints an apocalyptic picture of the future of its democracy.

The American Empire has been crying out in pain since the election of President Trump. The election of President Biden seems to have done little to quell its fear. It will be another growing crack in the powerful facade of Neoliberal America if Russia can successfully conquer strategic parts of the Ukraine and keep them. Can an old and tired Europe, which is heavily reliant on Russian gas exports, muster a military counter response to Russia? I could ask many more hypothetical questions, but it is safer to simply wait with patience and watch from the sidelines as history plays out. This is not said from a point of aversion or apathy. Rather the American Empire through its many institutions has spent the last decade outcasting the warrior caste of its historical population. The lauded men from the Greatest Generation placed in today’s society would likely commit too many unpardonable “isms” to be included in mainstream America. The New Americans came here for consumerism and a high standard of living. The American Empire will have to rely solely on mercenaries, sociopaths, a dwindling number of true believers, and its technological edge for any major wars it may face on the horizon. I doubt my fellow citizens partaking in the Ukraine hysteria realize any of this, but it is a truth that rumbles deep in their psyche. Reality will eventually bring it to the forefront.

Ignis Fatuus

The modern smartphone is something deceptive, something deluding. See how it captures one’s attention. Call it what it is: ignis fatuus. Like a haunting light in the darkness, it dances enticingly just beyond one’s reach. It is a will-o’-the-wisp.

Never physically distant, but it shows only what is far away. Why would it show anything near when eyes and body can experience things proximal without this enchanted device. No, instead it shows fancies from afar. Perhaps the vision is down the street, across the state, or on another continent. What matters most to the attention leech is that the image is absent from the room.

With an ingenious malevolency it offers its power as a two way street. Perhaps a fascinating reality of life manifests before one’s eyes. Now there is nothing on the screen that could hold interest in this moment. However this spectacle could be broadcast to everyone else sitting in a moment of dullness, wanting for excitement. So the smartphone is held aloft by the user during the experience, as they watch on its screen to make sure it properly captures that moment. At restaurants, phones eat first. At shows, phones have the best view.

The smartphone has murdred boredom. It can keep it at bay so long as it has a charge. There is something it can always show the user. A new notification that needs attending to. We should mourn the the death of boredom, of quiteness, and of stillness. They can still be found, but more often than not, they must intentionally be sought out.

What a queer life technology has wrought us. It is a Lady of Shallot business. The smartphone is the mirror that can tightly hold a conscious world. It must have everything in it for what could be beyond it? One’s life my require interfacing with these devices. Perhaps a final severance and parting of the ways is impossible. The best outcome within the realm of possibility may only be careful regulation of the interactions between man and device, but at least call the damned thing what it is: ignis fatuus.

The Empty Window

Don’t look at the empty window.
There is nothing there but darkness.
You traveled hours to this remote cabin.
Not another soul is in these woods but you.
Why would that window be anything other than empty?

Don’t look at the empty window.
You are miles away from anyone else.
What are you looking for anyways?
Do you want to see something behind the panes?
No, that would terrify your recumbent self.

Stop looking at the empty window.
Try to fall asleep.
Try not to think about that damnable window.
Let the sounds of the midnight forest serenade you to sleep.
Opossums and raccoons and other critters scavenge about the leaf litter.

The night is theirs; the night is yours to slumber.
At last sleep weighs heavy on your mind.
You can finally drift into the dreamlands.
Somnolence smothers any remaining stray thoughts.


TAP, TAP, TAP!

Recreation

It is necessary to be aware of one’s emotional state. One needs to be cognizant of the stressors that exist and the distractions one may turn to. It is good to look back in hindsight and recognize these aggravations. A man must understand how they push him in one direction or the other, but hindsight is not enough. There will be times in the future when these same stressors will return, and one needs to needs to take account of his emotional state and make wise decisions.

Rest is important. Leisure is important. One needs to identify the activities that give one true rest. They recreate man again so that he can have the energy to continue forward in life. This is what recreation gives man. Recreare in Latin means to create again, renew. Recratio the noun meaning restoration and recovery became Old French and from there English picked it up. Recreation is key to a life well lived.

There are activities and entertainment that can give one a false sense of relaxation. They do not refresh man, but instead exhaust him after he partakes in them. They do not rebuild, but rather distract. Man turns to these false forms of recreation in times of stress, but they will never give him the refreshment he seeks. They offer an easy initial buzz of pleasure in a steady drip, but it ends with a feeling of emptiness. Something vital has been lost.

Instead seek out the lost art of leisure. Forms of relaxation that revitalize oneself. Activities that are not work, but still grant one with a quiet sense of accomplishment and gladness. Discovering these hobbies will help one understand himself better. The recreational pursuits that rebuilds oneself are the brick and mortar which constructs an individual. Remember that prayer to God will always give oneself true rest.

Book Review: The Picture of Dorian Gray

For these treasures, and everything that he collected in his lovely house, were to be to him means of forgetfulness, modes by which he could escape, for a season, from the fear that seemed to him at times to be almost too great to be borne. Upon the walls of the lonely locked room where he had spent so much of his boyhood, he had hung with his own hands the terrible portrait whose changing features showed him the real degradation of his life, and in front of it had draped the purple-and-gold pall as a curtain.

The Picture of Dorian Gray is many things at once. The plot is a quintessential gothic tale about the corruption of a youth who is then empowered in his malevolence by a sinister portrait. It is a collection of long philosophical debates and monologues on art, love, beauty, and ethics. The book is series of quips and epigrams which characterize so well the personality of Oscar Wilde. It is beautifully written prose which contain both supreme visions of classical beauty and quiet, introspective moments painted as a surreal landscape of profound emotions. And finally, the work is a hypothetical experiment in aesthetics and sensation, pursuing both a revival of a new Hellenic ideal and an advanced form of Hedonism. The book can be described using the author’s own words:

[A] novel that [is] as lovely as a Persian carpet, and as unreal.

The first character to appear on the page is the loquacious Lord Henry. He is an irreverent aristocrat who parrots Wildean paradoxes. These contradictions often come across as absurd or offensive, but they are ultimately a reflection on social commentary or human nature.

Faithfulness is to the emotional life what consistency is to the life of the intellect—simply a confession of failure.

The only difference between a caprice and a lifelong passion is that the caprice lasts a little longer.

I can sympathize with everything except suffering, […] There is something terribly morbid in the modern sympathy with pain. One should sympathize with the colour, the beauty, the joy of life.

Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one’s mistakes.

The things one feels absolutely certain about are never true. That is the fatality of faith, and the lesson of romance.

His flippant attitude towards everything in life likely contributed to the controversy of the novel. Lord Henry is a useless dandy who lives a life of leisure. He has an opinion on everyone and everything despite him doing little much of anything outside of socializing and attending performances. Strangely enough his corruption of the young Dorian Gray is merely verbal. He never actually acts upon any of his transgressive advice himself, but he excitedly suggests to Dorian thoughts and actions that eventually lead to the youth’s degeneration. In fact, he takes pleasure in treating Dorian like a vessel that he can fill with profane ideas which spur Dorian beyond the boundaries of acceptable moral behavior. He is fascinated by his ability to corrupt but is also detached from the process.

Yes; he would try to be to Dorian Gray what, without knowing it, the lad was to the painter who had fashioned the wonderful portrait. He would seek to dominate him—had already, indeed, half done so. He would make that wonderful spirit his own.

He serves as a devil on Dorian’s shoulder, a Mephistopheles guiding Dorian on his path to damnation. Lord Henry provides the youth with hedonic literature, in the form of a mysterious yellow book. He encourages Dorian to chase all earthly pleasures and contends that extreme experiences are synonymous with greatness. Yet by the end of the novel, long after Dorian is past the point of no return, Lord Henry remains the same as he does in the beginning. He is a aging aristocrat who still does nothing but will say anything. In fact, when Dorian begins to reveal the extent of his grievous acts, Lord Henry simply brushes him off as being unserious and goes back to his typical useless banter. Despite Dorian’s troubles and regret, the decadent Lord tells him, “Life has been your art. You have set yourself to music. Your days are your sonnets.”

If Lord Henry represents a devil on the shoulder, then the artist Basil Hallward is the angel. Basil acts as a moderating force in conversations with Lord Henry and tries to dissuade Dorian from capricious and severe actions. However, Basil is not truly an angelic character, but rather deeply flawed in his own right. He is an idolator who obsessed over Dorian Gray. Through this obsession he creates the great work of art that is Dorian’s portrait. Later, after giving the picture to Dorian, he makes his confession:

I was dominated, soul, brain, and power, by you. You became to me the visible incarnation of that unseen ideal whose memory haunts us artists like an exquisite dream. I worshipped you. I grew jealous of every one to whom you spoke. I wanted to have you all to myself. I was only happy when I was with you. When you were away from me, you were still present in my art….

Basil early on attempts to guard Dorian from Lord Henry. This would be a noble act if it was not for his own selfish reasons. His worship of the youth causes his art to suffer, because all he can paint is variations of Dorian. Once the magical power of the portrait dawns on Dorian, he too develops his own obsession with its beauty. He however does not want to divulge the dark mystery to the artist. He announces to Basil that he will no longer sit for portraits. While Basil discloses his hidden obsession, Dorian simply tells the painter, “There is something fatal about a portrait. It has a life of its own.” Happy that Basil does not press him any further on the painting’s secrets, Dorian brushes aside Basil’s confession with a Wildean turn of phrase.

[W]hat have you told me? Simply that you felt that you admired me too much. That is not even a compliment.

Basil was idolatrous of Dorian. This is his downfall, and he suffers terribly for the sin. Later on, Dorian unveils the transformed portrait to the painter. The grotesque visage in the picture terrifies Basil, and he refuses to believe it is his original painting. Dorian with a twisted temperament reminds Basil that it was he who was there since the beginning and that he shares the blame in this whole sordid affair.

[Y]ou met me, flattered me, and taught me to be vain of my good looks.

Dorian Gray begins the story as a naive young aristocrat. He comes from a wealthy family and was raised in London’s high society. The Adonis-like character has a reserved and shy nature at first but opens up more as Lord Henry lavishes him with philosophy and irreverent banter. Lord Henry through words and Basil through his artistic worship instill upon the young man a sense of vanity, but also the realization that his youth will fade from its current zenith. Early on Lord Henry tell Dorian:

Time is jealous of you, and wars against your lilies and your roses. You will become sallow, and hollow-cheeked, and dull-eyed. You will suffer horribly…. Ah! realize your youth while you have it.

Eventually Dorian discovers the magical secret of the portrait that Basil painted. His sins will corrupt and age his image in the picture, but he will forever keep his physical youthful appearance. His initial reaction is shame as he locks the portrait away in an unused room from his childhood. It is like hiding one’s true self by keeping dark secrets in the deep recesses of one’s mind. The picture is a hidden side of Dorian’s soul that he trepidly conceals from the outside world lest his sins become revealed to everyone. However, these fears of Dorian are subsumed by his overwhelming desire to push the boundaries of human experiences. He has flashes of remorse, but quickly presses forward on his hedonic journey.

Yes, Basil could have saved him. But it was too late now. The past could always be annihilated. Regret, denial, or forgetfulness could do that. But the future was inevitable. There were passions in him that would find their terrible outlet, dreams that would make the shadow of their evil real.

A turning point in his moral debasement comes from a curious unnamed yellow book given to him by Lord Henry. It follows the experiences of a young Parisian attempting to realize all passions and modes of thought from the previous centuries. It is an enigmatic device, because Wilde goes to great length to describe the effects the book has on the reader, while never exposing what is written on its pages.

One hardly knew at times whether one was reading the spiritual ecstasies of some mediæval saint or the morbid confessions of a modern sinner. It was a poisonous book. The heavy odour of incense seemed to cling about its pages and to trouble the brain.

The yellow book is like a play within a play. Just as its anonymous character pursues his passions, so too does the protagonist of Wilde’s novel. The introduction of this book to the story acts as a prologue to Chapter 11. Herein Dorian relentlessly pursues the collection of specialized aesthetic fixations. It ranges widely from perfumes to South American instruments to ecclesiastical vestments. He fills his house with rare objects from all corners of the globe as he dives blindly in a consumerism that was only available to the upper echelons of Victorian England. Like Dr. Faustus in Marlowe’s play, he receives a grand supernatural power, yet squanders its potential; he wastes his eternal youth on fine frivolities. Times passes freely during this period, and Dorian spends it in society befriending, corrupting, and bringing ruination upon others. He develops a vanity not only for his good looks, but also for his fall from grace as he pursues a worship of the senses.

He grew more and more enamoured of his own beauty, more and more interested in the corruption of his own soul.

This ultimately leads to an utter inversion of the relationship between the beautiful and the good.

There were moments when he looked on evil simply as a mode through which he could realize his conception of the beautiful.

The debasement of Dorian’s soul continues in a downward spiral as the plot progresses. At times he has moments of reflection or attempts to change his course, but he finds that the path he has started is leading towards an inevitable doom. He is left to conclude near the end that it would have been “[b]etter for him that each sin of his life had brought its sure swift penalty along with it.” Instead, he escaped consequences and was able to freely push his broken soul to the absolute limits of damnation.

The plot of the novel is highly entertaining and intriguing. A great example of the narration is the Sibyl Vane story arc which is drenched in symbolism and irony. She is an actress literally named vain, and she exclusively plays heroines from Shakespearean tragedies. Dorian’s introduction to the cheap theater where she acts comes from a street encounter with the slimy owner.

A hideous Jew, in the most amazing waistcoat I ever beheld in my life, was standing at the entrance, smoking a vile cigar. He had greasy ringlets, and an enormous diamond blazed in the centre of a soiled shirt. ‘Have a box, my Lord?’ he said, when he saw me, and he took off his hat with an air of gorgeous servility.

Here Dorian first sees Sibyl playing Juliet. Despite of dilapidated theater and aged actors poorly playing their parts, Dorian becomes enamored with the shows there. He is utterly captivated by Sibyl’s beauty and stage presence. She is a sacred object to Dorian. The youth idolizes his newfound love in Sibyl and expresses it to Lord Henry. In typical Lord Henry fashion, he suggests, “It is only the sacred things that are worth touching, Dorian[.]”

Sibyl lives with her old mother who is an eccentric spirit. She views the world as a stage and always speaks as if she is acting. The irony is that once Dorian confesses his love to Sibyl, she loses the ability to act out love in the Shakespearean plays. Now that she has felt real love, she is unable to fake it on the stage. This ultimately leads to her demise which Dorian views as the ending of a beautiful Greek tragedy. He recalls her as “a wonderful tragic figure sent on to the world’s stage to show the supreme reality of love.” However, this sequence of events marks a turning point in Dorian’s degradation. He goes from mourning Sibyl and revering the romantic ideal she represented to callously discarding her actions as worthless.

Her death has all the pathetic uselessness of martyrdom, all its wasted beauty.

Throughout the novel there are moments of morbidly beautiful atmosphere. Here Wilde artfully describes the vast depths of emotional thought in a time of solitude. One particularly striking example is a description of waking from a slumber.

There are few of us who have not sometimes wakened before dawn, either after one of those dreamless nights that make us almost enamoured of death, or one of those nights of horror and misshapen joy, when through the chambers of the brain sweep phantoms more terrible than reality itself, and instinct with that vivid life that lurks in all grotesques, and that lends to Gothic art its enduring vitality, this art being, one might fancy, especially the art of those whose minds have been troubled with the malady of reverie.

Night gives way to twilight which in turn gives way to dawn.

Veil after veil of thin dusky gauze is lifted, and by degrees the forms and colours of things are restored to them, and we watch the dawn remaking the world in its antique pattern.

Gradually the transition to morning is complete.

Out of the unreal shadows of the night comes back the real life that we had known.

Wilde’s prose is highly ornate at times; jewels of the English language for the reader to treasure. This style also appears in some of the discussions surrounding art. The author offers a powerful metaphor explaining how the painter Basil Hallward is inspired artistically by the youthful Dorian.

The new manner in art, the fresh mode of looking at life, suggested so strangely by the merely visible presence of one who was unconscious of it all; the silent spirit that dwelt in dim woodland, and walked unseen in open field, suddenly showing herself, Dryadlike and not afraid, because in his soul who sought for her there had been wakened that wonderful vision to which alone are wonderful things revealed; the mere shapes and patterns of things becoming, as it were, refined, and gaining a kind of symbolical value, as though they were themselves patterns of some other and more perfect form whose shadow they made real: how strange it all was!

Wilde has an ability to create settings in his writing that are brought to life with these descriptive flourishes. There is a haunting opium den full of ne’er-do-wells where misery hangs in the air like thick smoke and a frosty morning hunt on a rural estate. All these moments are memorable thanks to Wilde’s gorgeous style.

The personification of concepts is another stylistic choice that adds to the satisfaction of reading this work. When characters engage in debates about a subject, they describe Time, Death, Beauty, Genius, and the like as people with motivations and moods. For example, Lord Henry notes that:

Destiny does not send us heralds. She is too wise or too cruel for that.

It is deeply humanizing to read intellectual conversations on these subjects that delve into the whims and fancies of a concept. It reifies the humanity of these ideas, and it is refreshing in an age where academic discussions revolve around deconstructing topics ad absurdum.

One of the most fascinating aspects of the novel and what makes The Picture of Dorian Gray a unique piece is the discourse on art. The preface of the novel alludes to many of the central themes surrounding art which Wilde then goes on to expand on these ideas throughout of the novel via the dialogue. Like most of the philosophical debates, they center around idealized forms of the subject. Basil describes Dorian’s inspiration in the painter’s art as an intangible force.

And it had all been what art should be—unconscious, ideal, and remote.

The book has critiques on art that readily reveals the intent of author. When the “ethical sympathy” of an artist is present in the work, then the artist has failed in Wilde’s eyes. In a similar vein, it is also a failure when the artist inserts himself into the piece.

An artist should create beautiful things, but should put nothing of his own life into them. We live in an age when men treat art as if it were meant to be a form of autobiography. We have lost the abstract sense of beauty.

This line is interesting, because the three central characters of the book all have aspects of the author present in them, especially Lord Henry with his numerous Wildean paradoxes and quips. While this could be a self-deprecating line, Wilde can take solace in Basil’s reasoning about the ability of art to hide the author’s inner thoughts.

Art is always more abstract than we fancy. Form and colour tell us of form and colour—that is all. It often seems to me that art conceals the artist far more completely than it ever reveals him.

Not only does art obscure its inspiration, but it exists without morality. Dorian accuses Lord Henry of poisoning him with an immoral book. The Lord flatly responds that the work had no hand in Dorian’s sinful choices.

Art has no influence upon action. It annihilates the desire to act. It is superbly sterile.

This reasoning by Lord Henry is a defense of The Picture of Dorian Gray. The story had many critics when it was first published in England for being obscene. Wilde holds that art exists by itself in a vacuum and this morality is downstream from the idealized form of any art.

A hallmark of Wilde’s writing, whether it is The Picture of Dorian Gray or his plays, is his verbal wit. The dialogue is so darn quotable. Oscar Wild was the child of two Anglo-Irish intellectuals, but his Irish side really comes out when he mocks a target. Characters, traditions, polite society, the human condition, and many more all fall victim to his barbs. Here is a selection of witticisms from the novel.

With an evening coat and a white tie […] anybody, even a stock-broker, can gain a reputation for being civilized.

[S]he is a peacock in everything but beauty.

My dear fellow, she tried to found a salon, and only succeeded in opening a restaurant.

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

And the mind of the thoroughly well-informed man is a dreadful thing. It is like a bric-à-brac shop, all monsters and dust, with everything priced above its proper value.

Each class would have preached the importance of those virtues, for whose exercise there was no necessity in their own lives. The rich would have spoken on the value of thrift, and the idle grown eloquent over the dignity of labour.

The masses feel that drunkenness, stupidity, and immorality should be their own special property, and that if any one of us makes an ass of himself, he is poaching on their preserves.

Like all people who try to exhaust a subject, he exhausted his listeners.

[The Englishman] hoisted the Union Jack on the pinnacles of thought. The inherited stupidity of the race—sound English common sense he jovially termed it—was shown to be the proper bulwark for society.

Not “Forgive us our sins” but “Smite us for our iniquities” should be the prayer of man to a most just God.

The character Lord Henry delivers the majority of Wildean jabs, but other characters also play their role as a mouthpiece or a target. Sometimes it feels that certain minor characters are created just for a particular line Wilde wanted to write. This approach can be summed up by a quote from Dorian addressing Lord Henry:

You would sacrifice anybody […] for the sake of an epigram.

It is a complex piece. The density of the text can take some adjustment to if one is not accustomed to reading older books. The sentence structure sometimes approaches grandeur as the author describes a Hellenic vision of classical beauty. There is a great deal to be gleaned from a rereading of the text. In the conversations, Wilde flips back and forth so readily between dandies engaging in superfluous banter and deep philosophical deliberations. Finally, The Picture of Dorian Gray can be challenging or divisive to a contemporary Western reader. In an age where the remaining vestiges of traditional decorum are under constant cultural assault, it is difficult to read a book written from the perspective of an author who railed against such social norms in an era where they were firmly established. Lord Henry will decry prudence with tirades such as:

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful.

The West lives in an age of plenty and its denizens can yield to almost any impulse of temptation nowadays. It is enslaved to base desires of lust, gluttony, vanity, and sloth while lacking in the classical aesthetics also romanticized by the author. Ultimately, The Picture of Dorian Gray is a moral Christian tale. Lord Henry succeeds in his corruption of young Dorian and the youth lives out the new Hedonism extolled by the aristocrat. It is like a grand experiment in aesthetics that unsurprisingly ends in failure. The characters of Lord Henry, Dorian, and Basil are all autobiographical of Oscar Wilde to a certain extent, and the quips, arguments, and monologues of Lord Henry align closely with the dandy persona Wilde cultivated in his lifetime. Like Dorian Gray, Wilde too was ill-fated by his decadent actions, though that all happened long after this novel’s publication. While at a surface level many of the statements from Lord Henry and eventually the corrupted Dorian can sound inflammatory to a reader tired of decadence, it is important to place them in the larger context of the novel and Wilde’s life. Furthermore, there is wisdom in not taking everything so seriously. Those who are unable to laugh at themselves are rigid and therefore not anti-fragile. Absurdity is part of the human condition and the words of Oscar Wilde offer levity in response

Link to the text via Project Gutenberg: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/174/174-h/174-h.htm

Dark November

The late afternoon light has been stolen by the changing of the clocks. Darkness falls so early these days. Some leaves still cling to certain trees, but many species bare only their skeletons. They know the cold embrace of winter will be arriving shortly.

This time of the year shifts my gears towards introspection. It’s a good habit, but all things in moderation. It can easily give way to brooding if one does not exhibit temperance in his reminiscence. Saudade: a longing for something from the past you deeply miss. On some level you know it will never be coming back. It is such a profound concept in a single word. The Portguese must be a beautiful people to carry such an expression in their language.

The dreams in this darkness can weigh heavily on the mind. Each night a new surprise awaits me, ready to stir up old memories. Reliving the past is not a curse, but a consequence. It is what makes us who we are today, and to accept that is wisdom. Let the darkness show what it has to bear for I know who I am. November is not a time for fear, but for remembering.

15 Classic Ghost Stories and Tales of Spooks

The leaves transform into a final colorful blaze before fading from the trees as the days grow darker. Gusts of cold air roll through town ushering in the changing seasons. Spirits haunt the night while people don disguises to frighten them away. It is a magical time of the year with the bounty of the harvest and things that go bump in the night. What better way to enjoy it than some spine-chilling tales of specters and ghastly premonitions?

Assembled here are 15 audio recordings of ghost stories ranging from Victorian times to the age of weird fiction. The recordings are listed roughly by length of time with the shorter stories at the beginning. Peruse the catalog at you leisure to find a tale that strikes your fancy. When you are ready, light some candles, turn off the lights, and cozy up with a hot drink. Try not to think of the spooks too much when the stories over though. It is best not to ponder certain things in the month of October.

Just say you aren’t scared. Just say how brave and nonchalant you’d be if you ever saw a ghost, and see what happens.

Vincent Price – A Hornbook for Witches

The Cats of Ulthar by H. P. Lovecraft (1920)
The first Lovecraft story of the list takes place in his Dreamlands world. The tale explains the origin of a town’s law protecting all the local cats. It reminds us: “For the cat is cryptic, and close to strange things which men cannot see.” (9 minutes)

August Heat by W. F. Harvey (1910)
An extremely unlikely and odd coincidence on one day in August leaves two men puzzled. Have they met before or is it fate that has brought these strangers together on this hot afternoon? (14 minutes)

The Masque of Red Death by Edgar Allen Poe (1842)
A hedonistic prince locks himself and his courtesans up in his castle while a deadly plague rages across the lands. He intends to enjoy his extended bacchanal, but the masque of the red death has something else in store for him. (16 minutes)

The Damned Thing by Ambrose Bierce (1893)
A strange accident during a hunt leaves a group of San Francisco jurors with many unanswered questions. A mountain lion attack seems to be the logical explanation, but diary entries of the deceased leading up to event indicate otherwise. (23 minutes)

The Hound by H. P. Lovecraft (1924)
Two men become engrossed with the art of grave robbing and focus on adding the most ghoulish prizes they can find to their collection. Their twisted hobby takes a turn when they steal an accursed object, and they go from haunted to hunted. The story is full of ghastly elements and a looming doom. (21 minutes)

The Squaw by Bram Stoker (1893)
Newlyweds on a honeymoon explore the medieval town of Nuremberg with an eccentric American tourist. The traveling Nebraskan could have benefited from the earlier cautionary tale The Cats of Ulthar. Within the ancient town they tour a Gothic tower with an old torture chamber. The room is full of many horrifying devices including an Iron Virgin. (33 minutes)

The Thing in the Upper Room by Arthur Morrison (1891)
A young Englishman seeks to save money by renting a haunted room in a Paris apartment. The excitement of staying in the shunned room also attracts him. It would be a fine story to tell to people afterwards. Reluctantly the concierge accepts his offer. He spends the night, but a persistent feeling of absent-mindedness dogs his stay. When did he reposition that chair and he swore he put that other object away earlier… (27 minutes)

Canon Alberic’s Scrapbook by M. R. James (1895)
Another tale with an Englishman abroad. This time at the foot of the Pyrenees in France. This tale really gives the sense of how old Europe was full of forgotten towns steeped in centuries of history. What treasures lie waiting in the ancient stone churches, and what horrifying demons are attached? This story has a truly terrifying monster that stalks. Beware! (36 minutes)

Never Bet The Devil Your Head – Edgar Allan Poe (1850)
This recording is a radio dramatization from 1957. This is the most comical story of the lot being a satire of moral tales. The cast gives a lively rendition of Poe’s parody, but the yarn still ends with a creepy climax. (25 minutes)

Witches Hollow by H. P. Lovecraft and August Derleth (1962)
A rational-minded school teacher works in a one-room schoolhouse in countryside nearby the storied New England city of Arkham. He has a strange student who cannot seem to get along with the rest of the children. His family living on a remote farm in the wild Witches’ Hollow doesn’t care much for his education and dislikes the school teacher trying to encourage the child’s academic pursuits. (32 minutes)

The Signal-Man by Charles Dickens (1866)
A ghostly apparition warns a railroad signal-man of disaster. Is this a ghost of the past bound to relive a terrible accident again and again or is it a premonition of catastrophe? This is a classic Victorian ghost story that defines the genre. (37 minutes)

Man-size in Marble by Edith Nesbit (1893)
A man and his wife move into a country cottage built on the ruins of an old house. The local legends tells of the wicked knights who lived there and how divine intervention struck them down one terrible night. Now they haunt the grounds every All Saints’ Eve, and God save the poor fools who stick around. (39 minutes)

The Empty House by Algernon Blackwood (1906)
An abandoned house with a tragic past forever carries the imprint of evil where phantasms replay the horrific events through the dilapidated halls. A spinster aunt excited by the stories of this manor must see it for herself, so she drags along her nephew one night in order to explore the empty house. (42 minutes)

Hornbook for Witches by Leah Bodine Drake (1950) and other tales read by Vincent Price (1976)
A collection of poems from Drake’s Hornbook for Witches combined with a folktales, short stories, and recorded superstitions. Throw in a narration by horror master Vincent Price, and you have an album that is a Halloween classic. It perfectly sets the spooky mood for a dark and stormy October night. (54 minutes)

Dreams in the Witchhouse by H. P. Lovecraft (1933)
The final story in the list is another Lovecraft story set in old Arkham. It is an extended tale of a university student’s slow descent into madness. A delight for the mathematically inclined as planes and equations form a central part of the plot. The delirious student is stalked by a wicked witch and her terrifying familiar. A quintessential Lovecraftian horror story with a plot that slowly builds until it’s dramatic ending. (1 hour 38 minutes)

Book Review: “Never Let Me Go” by Kazuo Ishiguro

Poor creatures. What have we done to you? With all our schemes and plans?

Kazuo Ishiguro’s novel “Never Let Me Go“ is a tale of beautiful sadness. It is a story with a forgone conclusion whose looming presence becomes increasingly palpable as the novel progresses. It follows a group of friends from their childhood at the boarding school Hailsham in the idyllic English countryside to their coming of age and finally to their dystopian destiny. Ishiguro builds a tale of believable friendships and romances only to cast them asunder in the cruel reality the novel is set in. The beauty of this tragedy is poetic in a style that is very Japanese. The final scene is haunting, yet evocative of the joy the narrator Kathy will always carry in her heart. The relationships shared by Kathy in her youth are written lucidly. She and her friends grow so close together to the point that their lives become entwined only to then be pushed apart by the circumstances of life.

“Never Let Me Go” is a recollection of memories. Kathy is sorting through the thoughts in her mind, putting together everything that has happened and making an assessment of the events. She has a great fondness for these memories as she carefully examines each one during her reminiscence. She analyzes the moments that are profound and those that are mundane. She recalls the cheerful moments of friendship and the heated disagreements and fights. While looking back on these disputes, time has given her wisdom to understand each party’s side. She is able to forgive those who have wronged her along with forgiving herself. The three parts of the novel occur sequentially in its history, but within each part the memories of that specific period in her life are visited non-linearly. Often times Kathy will recall an earlier memory from her latest narrated recollection in order to provide context to the next chronological event. The author creates the effect of sorting through a jumbled heap of old bric-a-brac and neatly ordering all the memorabilia in relation to each other.

The memories themselves are significant to the Hailsham students, because these recollections are some of the few belongings they still have in adulthood. Their lives are ultimately transient, because of the eventual donation process they will undergo. These memories bring back the cherished fantasy of their adolescence. The novel begins at the English boarding school with a picturesque childhood and coming of age scenes set in the venerable academy and its verdant grounds. The importance of belongings is highlighted by the excitement around the Sales held at the school. It is a chance for the students to obtain unique items and keepsakes. Some of these come from the world outside their boarding school while others are arts and crafts produced by the fellow students. The characters treasure these possessions, closely guarding them during their school years with some students holding on to them for life. Only when they are older can they understand the irretrievable sentimentality of these objects, and some regret not hanging onto them longer.

The second part represent the end of Hailsham. The charming school is left behind as the students now prepare for the next phase of their life. They continue on in the countryside, but they are now with students from other boarding schools. Ones who did not have the loving teachers of Hailsham who were dedicated to fostering an appreciation for the arts and literature. Thrust into this new world Kathy and her friends have a new freedom living in cottages with no one but an old farmer checking up on them. The significance of this becomes apparent in the third part chapter of the book.

Mysteries from the first part are further explored and built upon. Lingering questions about their place in the world are revisited by the students trying to decipher offhand statements or private remarks from their teachers. Yet this is also when more discord grows between Kathy are her friends. No longer do they have childhood spats, but teenage arguments that end in underlying currents of resentment and distrust. The close friends begin to drift apart, not because the world forces them to separate, but because of their pride. Ultimately these fights end unresolved as the characters then go their own ways into the next role in their lives as carers.

The third part is like a vanitas still life proclaiming the brevity of life. It is filled with autumnal symbolism and metaphoric settings cast in fading afternoon light. The fleeting nature of existence is laid bare in the lives of the Hailsham students. There is a persistent reminder of time; time that is running out. Only as adults do they realize how little time is left until the inevitable final separation of these three close childhood friends. That is why they cling to each other so tightly so as to never let go in those final moments before the curtain drops. It is made bittersweet, because the third part is a reunion of the characters in their early adult lives after splitting up after the cottages. It is here where they begin to reconcile their differences. Kathy learns to forgive others and to forgive herself.

The Hailsham group also finally get to the bottom of lingering questions around the statements from their teachers that puzzled them and the gossip and legends told to the them by students from the other boarding schools. Ishiguro develops these enigmas over the course of the novel. He builds excitement to a final climatic encounter filled with revelations about the students and their world.

The book’s title takes on many meanings when the story is finally told. The characters’ expressive lives and friendships are penned sweetly on the pages only for their lot in life to make their parting inevitable. Their fate is a subject of pity. “Poor creatures. What have we done to you? With all our schemes and plans?” What Kathy is left with after all is said and done is these precious memories. The moments shared both good and bad, the exciting and the mundane. She sorts through them all admitting her shortcomings while forgiving all transgressions. People come into her life and create such cherished moments, but their presence is ephemeral and terminal. The conclusion of Ishiguro’s emotionally gripping novel is a worthy reminder to the reader that one’s own life too will face this harsh reality. Therefore, one should always hug beloved friends and family while one still can; eventually only the memories will remain.